We're About to Launch and I'm Not Terrified

Everything is going to be just fine.

Here are the facts of the situation:

  1. I am a 33-year old pile of failures and neuroses making a big ole One More Try

  2. This is by far the most dramatic launch I have ever attempted

  3. I am terrified of virtually everything

  4. This may be my best work

I want to make people happy. When I was a younger writer, I wanted to be understood, to share the oddness, darkness, and surreality that dominate my worldview with anyone who had any chance at recognizing me. I think a lot of women writers might understand that feeling, like your darkness and fury and passion can only safely be expressed through fiction, where no one can tell you to “smile”. I was a dreadful Medusa, shrieking my solitary pain into the void in the hope that someone could look upon my true form and survive.

I don’t know how that girl became me. I think age just got me used to the idea that I was my own type of person with my own type of heart, and I stopped hungering to be understood and started instead wanting to find the other Medusa children. To make something that would ease their loneliness.

This is a lot for a launch post, I realize. Trust me, the earlier drafts were doozies. It got real dark!

I want Heroic Chord to be the kind of game that helps people feel less alone, the way D&D has for me. I want Sword of Symphonies to make people smile, to whisk them away somewhere else for a little bit and help them carry their burdens. Even ATIA, I want to reach those dark, passionate people and I want them to look at their own reflections in it and survive.

Okay, I lied. Obviously, I’m terrified. Submissions and launches never get easier, it seems. Maybe that’ll come for me down the line a little bit. I’m really, really scared I’ll fall on my face, or no one will listen, or any number of other increasingly bizarre outcomes. They’re all real bad. I’m extremely good at thinking of bad things.

But I can think of this one good thing, too - that someone who needs to hear this will find it and hear me telling them they’re not alone.